01-26-2006, 08:43 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Redheaded Mistress of Doom  Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Washington Age: 24
Posts: 159
My Mood:     | Once upon a time... I was in a pretty bad place. I was pretty much anorexic, and dating a guy who not only condoned it, but encouraged it as well. He constantly berated me for how I looked, or how much I ate, and made my high school years a living hell. Here are a few poems that I found on a disk of writing assignments around that time: mirror take away every characteristic every bit of humanity that is unique to me. shall i speak in your voice? shall i think with your mind? help me for there must be something that is wrong. i am— defective. i cannot impress you for you see only yourself. make me a clone a prototype a copy— of you: the physical manifestation of all that’s perfect so says your ego. if i were a mirror reflected you— perhaps you would finally give me more than just a passing glance. untitled 3/7 to love you is a prison and there is no real escape; my psyche tricks me somehow into thinking I am free. but really, barely living, like a long-mistreated pet I’m locked away and helpless with no energy to flee. my happiness is forfeit so I’ll never make you sad much the way a puppy’s tongue will kiss it’s master’s cheek moments after being beaten so it would submit… I could be masochistic, but I think I’m only weak. you can tell me all my faults and kill my self esteem. you can torment my emotions ‘til it feels like hell you can play upon my guilt and insecurities… no matter what you do to me I’ll always treat you well. my soul is starved, my tongue is lolling, catching only tears my body’s wasting, hooked upon its own recycled brine, anger, sadness, tears in cycles as I die away… my addiction is to pleasure, but that pleasure isn’t mine. emptiness i listen to emptiness i hear nothing warm but a cold wall of silence threatens me harm its echoes infinite the silence prevails but inside myself the misery wails it beats on my skull from the inside out silent depression which to me is a shout a sword of loneliness my mind impales and i finally know all of what hopeless entails i have no one with me to share in my pain i suffer alone i suffer in vain my lips part to scream but there's nothing to say i feel dead inside and i'm dreading the day lying in darkness my mouth is agape as i close my eyes and yearn for escape in my head like a fist the torture keeps drumming and it seems that escape is a long time in coming is this want for an end so much of a sin i long for cessation of all that's within to stay here is futile in this darkened room for my mind to set out for itself to consume black torrents of ice swirl chilling my bones as i lie on the bed and suffer alone the silence still plagues me when i've lost my sight and i no longer gaze upon the night long after the vanishing of smell and of taste the silence still swirls across the waste the waste that's my body entirely drained milked of all happiness til nothing remained nothing it seems but i'm not yet dead the echoes are locked inside my head |
|  |
|
01-26-2006, 11:14 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Brandon 1st Blood, Part 2  Join Date: May 2005 Location: Missouri Age: 21
Posts: 2,499
My Mood:  | I like the untitled most.
__________________ A dragon you say? I poke him in the eye with my stick of pokeing +2  Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced. |
|
| |
