The Men Commandments

Anubis · 08-26-2005, 10:44 PM

Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and you’re out of the man club.

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.

Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.

Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

38.)
A Man is never allowed to talk to his mother on the phone while at a bar. This is especially true if said conversation is preventing him from taking his shot during a game of pool.

PrettyLuckyGurl · 08-27-2005, 01:17 AM

you know what sucks...I am really drunk roght now...and i reallyw anted to read tis....I got to about the temnth one i think and i was lughing...but ijust can't read anymore

i don't think that made a whoel lot od sense

but yeah...

Anubis · 08-27-2005, 01:21 AM

and you're typo'ing all over the place...

Village Of The Damned · 08-27-2005, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyLuckyGurl

you know what sucks...I am really drunk roght now...and i reallyw anted to read tis....I got to about the temnth one i think and i was lughing...but ijust can't read anymore

i don't think that made a whoel lot od sense

but yeah...

TOO FUNNY!!!

CuteKitten2C · 08-27-2005, 08:08 AM

I am confused as to why this is in the game thread.

Anubis · 08-27-2005, 09:05 AM

Huh? What you talking about

PrettyLuckyGurl · 08-27-2005, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyLuckyGurl

you know what sucks...I am really drunk roght now...and i reallyw anted to read tis....I got to about the temnth one i think and i was lughing...but ijust can't read anymore

i don't think that made a whoel lot od sense

but yeah...

I'm retarded

Rabbit · 08-27-2005, 10:25 AM

LOL, yes, Brit, but that's why we love you.

Johnboat · 08-28-2005, 07:57 PM

Brit, your Drunkenese is superb.

PrettyLuckyGurl · 08-28-2005, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnboat

Brit, your Drunkenese is superb.

YESSSSSSS...you know I always say 'if you're gonna do something...do it RIGHT!'

ok I probably don't ALWAYS say that...

but yeah

Johnboat · 08-28-2005, 08:09 PM

I bet you say that to all the boys.

PrettyLuckyGurl · 08-28-2005, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnboat

I bet you say that to all the boys.

and the girls

Johnboat · 08-28-2005, 08:37 PM

Ba-zing!

Gilgar · 08-29-2005, 12:12 PM

I hold true to all but #16. If your too slow to grab that last slice and brew it's your own damn fault and you probably didn't need the brew to begin with, the slice is just icing on the cake.

cybastov · 08-30-2005, 03:00 AM

one way around the grabbing the brew situation.. always make sure you drink something that your friends cannot stand.. that way you are always guaranteed to have all your drinks available to you at any given time

Rabbit · 08-30-2005, 03:42 AM

Unless they're too drunk to care what they're drinking anymore. Been there.

08-26-2005, 10:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anubis Schizoid Insominac Honorary Crazed Psycho Join Date: May 2004 Location: Private Age: 27 Posts: 223 My Mood:	The Men Commandments Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and you’re out of the man club. 1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances: - When a heroic dog dies to save its master. - The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. - After wrecking your boss' car. - One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". - When she is using her teeth. 2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. 7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts. 11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean. 17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights: - Yeah, Baby, Push it! - C'mon, give me one more! Harder! - Another set and we can hit the showers! 20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'. Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent. 26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy. 33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. 34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either. 36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility. 37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man. 38.) A Man is never allowed to talk to his mother on the phone while at a bar. This is especially true if said conversation is preventing him from taking his shot during a game of pool.

08-27-2005, 01:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
PrettyLuckyGurl go ninja. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 407 My Mood:	you know what sucks...I am really drunk roght now...and i reallyw anted to read tis....I got to about the temnth one i think and i was lughing...but ijust can't read anymore i don't think that made a whoel lot od sense but yeah... __________________ Kiss Me

08-27-2005, 08:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
CuteKitten2C Sexy Party Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Age: 25 Posts: 6,338 My Mood:	I am confused as to why this is in the game thread. __________________ The Army is my husband's mistress and sometimes that bitch gets all the attention.

08-27-2005, 10:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
Rabbit Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Private Age: 30 Posts: 1,760 My Mood:	LOL, yes, Brit, but that's why we love you. __________________ I'll be over here in the corner, living censorship-free, should anyone require my services.

08-28-2005, 07:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
Johnboat Mondu's Sperm Bank Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Age: 28 Posts: 3,346 My Mood:	Brit, your Drunkenese is superb. __________________ My cult like following is now taking applications.

08-27-2005, 01:21 AM	#3 (permalink)
Anubis Schizoid Insominac Honorary Crazed Psycho Join Date: May 2004 Location: Private Age: 27 Posts: 223 My Mood:	and you're typo'ing all over the place...

08-27-2005, 09:05 AM	#6 (permalink)
Anubis Schizoid Insominac Honorary Crazed Psycho Join Date: May 2004 Location: Private Age: 27 Posts: 223 My Mood:	Huh? What you talking about

08-28-2005, 08:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
Johnboat Mondu's Sperm Bank Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Age: 28 Posts: 3,346 My Mood:	I bet you say that to all the boys. __________________ My cult like following is now taking applications.

08-28-2005, 08:37 PM	#13 (permalink)
Johnboat Mondu's Sperm Bank Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Age: 28 Posts: 3,346 My Mood:	Ba-zing! __________________ My cult like following is now taking applications.

08-29-2005, 12:12 PM	#14 (permalink)
Gilgar Brandon 1st Blood, Part 2 Join Date: May 2005 Location: Missouri Age: 21 Posts: 2,499 My Mood:	I hold true to all but #16. If your too slow to grab that last slice and brew it's your own damn fault and you probably didn't need the brew to begin with, the slice is just icing on the cake. __________________ A dragon you say? I poke him in the eye with my stick of pokeing +2 Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

08-30-2005, 03:00 AM	#15 (permalink)
cybastov kats' british boy toy Honorary Crazed Psycho Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: England Age: 36 Posts: 1,476 My Mood:	one way around the grabbing the brew situation.. always make sure you drink something that your friends cannot stand.. that way you are always guaranteed to have all your drinks available to you at any given time __________________ What doesn't kill you, merely prolongs the inevitable my page http://www.stov.co.uk

08-30-2005, 03:42 AM	#16 (permalink)
Rabbit Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Private Age: 30 Posts: 1,760 My Mood:	Unless they're too drunk to care what they're drinking anymore. Been there. __________________ I'll be over here in the corner, living censorship-free, should anyone require my services.

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