Daily Humorscope

[Wit]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Later this week you'll feel much like Scarlet O'Hara did, when she said, "I'll never be hungry again!"

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will read an oevre in a new genre. Actually, it will be an X-Men(tm) comic book, but you've never been one of those stuffy people who are unwilling to try new things.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Better have that spot checked out by a doctor. Sure it may look benign, but sometimes those carpet stains can spread.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. Then you'll go home, eat the same thing you always eat, watch a re-run, and go to bed. Then you'll be abducted by aliens, who will tease you.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will invent a modernized version of the ancient game of horseshoe throwing. You will call it "hubcaps." This will have several advantages over the older game, not least of which is that a car doesn't kick the crap out of you when you try to steal its hubcaps.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You are having a serious problem. Your only hope at this point is to consult a reputable florist. You will find them in the Yellow Pages, under "Florists, Reputable."

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or plumbing. (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.)
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Due to your supreme skill at an obscure video game, you will be abducted by aliens, and asked to save their race from anihilation at the hands (roughly speaking) of evil creatures from between the stars.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will try to pass prawns off as shrimp, today, but you'll be far too clever for them. If anyone knows their crustaceans, it's you.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to make a call from a pay-phone in a busy place, and say (in a loud voice) "You dumped the body WHERE?."

[TheLoneOne]

eeeeeeeenteresting

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. Then you'll go home, eat the same thing you always eat, watch a re-run, and go to bed. Then you'll be abducted by aliens, who will tease you.


bring on them aliens hehe