emailed jokes

06-26-2005, 10:48 PM

GRANDMA'S AGE:
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU
LET GO?"

LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES , SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU
LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO
SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY
STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER .. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE
CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE
HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS
UP!"

CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE C HILDREN'S
SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT
THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" " I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY
EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!"

SUPPORT A FAMILY:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT
YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."

FIRST TIME USHERS:
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED
AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY.
I'M UNDER FIVE."

PRAYERS:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS
BEFORE EATING?" "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD
COOK!"

CLIMB THE WALLS:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON
HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING
US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT"
THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.

THE MOOD RING:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT
TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD.

THE WATER PISTOL:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE
DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE
NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER."

RunsonInsanity · 06-26-2005, 10:53 PM

LMAO! Some of those were really cute, and others were just hillarious! I have always loved those Little Johnny jokes!

Gilgar · 06-26-2005, 10:56 PM

Johnny rocks hard core. I think my favorite here is the mood ring though.

RunsonInsanity · 06-26-2005, 10:58 PM

LOL, yeah that was good! My favorite was the Life After Death!

Geronimo · 06-27-2005, 01:16 AM

So thats why my grandma always bought me Water Guns when I was little

Gilgar · 06-27-2005, 01:30 AM

No it isn't. Grandparents would never do such things.

RunsonInsanity · 06-27-2005, 01:33 AM

LMAO at you two! I got some good jokes in email today, but didn't even think about posting them. I will have to save them next time!

Geronimo · 06-27-2005, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilgar

No it isn't. Grandparents would never do such things.

Not the one you are thinking of! She would never do that when she had bows and arrows and rubber band guns all over the place.

I was talking about Granny Gaye she did just to mess with Mom

CuteKitten2C · 06-27-2005, 12:32 PM

hehe yay for johnny!

RunsonInsanity · 06-27-2005, 01:50 PM

I got some good ones in email today, will post them later!

06-26-2005, 10:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
omegaluke Guest Posts: n/a My Mood:	emailed jokes GRANDMA'S AGE: LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS. GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING." JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?" LIFE AFTER DEATH: "DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES. "YES , SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED. "WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU! PALM SUNDAY: IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER .. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY." "WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!" CHILDREN'S SERMON: ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE C HILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" " I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!" SUPPORT A FAMILY: THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?" THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES." FIRST TIME USHERS: A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES. WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE." PRAYERS: THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?" "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!" CLIMB THE WALLS: "OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US." THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED. "I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT" THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED. THE MOOD RING: MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD. THE WATER PISTOL: WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK. I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?" MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER."

06-26-2005, 10:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
RunsonInsanity Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Virginia Age: 29 Posts: 1,913 My Mood:	LMAO! Some of those were really cute, and others were just hillarious! I have always loved those Little Johnny jokes! __________________

06-26-2005, 10:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gilgar Brandon 1st Blood, Part 2 Join Date: May 2005 Location: Missouri Age: 21 Posts: 2,499 My Mood:	Johnny rocks hard core. I think my favorite here is the mood ring though. __________________ A dragon you say? I poke him in the eye with my stick of pokeing +2 Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

06-26-2005, 10:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
RunsonInsanity Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Virginia Age: 29 Posts: 1,913 My Mood:	LOL, yeah that was good! My favorite was the Life After Death! __________________

06-27-2005, 01:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
Geronimo Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Private Age: 34 Posts: 1,572 My Mood:	So thats why my grandma always bought me Water Guns when I was little __________________ *It was actually fun.*

06-27-2005, 01:30 AM	#6 (permalink)
Gilgar Brandon 1st Blood, Part 2 Join Date: May 2005 Location: Missouri Age: 21 Posts: 2,499 My Mood:	No it isn't. Grandparents would never do such things. __________________ A dragon you say? I poke him in the eye with my stick of pokeing +2 Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

06-27-2005, 01:33 AM	#7 (permalink)
RunsonInsanity Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Virginia Age: 29 Posts: 1,913 My Mood:	LMAO at you two! I got some good jokes in email today, but didn't even think about posting them. I will have to save them next time! __________________

06-27-2005, 12:32 PM	#9 (permalink)
CuteKitten2C Sexy Party Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Age: 25 Posts: 6,338 My Mood:	hehe yay for johnny! __________________ The Army is my husband's mistress and sometimes that bitch gets all the attention.

06-27-2005, 01:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
RunsonInsanity Krazed Addicted Master Join Date: May 2005 Location: Virginia Age: 29 Posts: 1,913 My Mood:	I got some good ones in email today, will post them later! __________________

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)